Body language is instinctive. However, for some reason, it is easier to consciously control. Unfortunately, most people don’t take full advantage of that control. Few of us need to be told to sit up straight rather than slouch in a chair during a business meeting, to not touch our faces, to look at someone when they’re speaking, or to keep from crossing our arms across our chests. Those are all defensive maneuvers, designed to keep from creating negative perceptions. In order to show that you care about another person you need to go one step further and create positive perceptions. I suggest doing this through the angle of your upper body when seated and the way you say good-bye.
When you’re sitting down in a meeting pay attention to the distance between your upper body and the other party. When they’re speaking, don’t just make eye contact, lean a bit forward as well. This demonstrates rapt interest and extreme attention. When it’s time for you to answer a question, break eye contact momentarily and lean slightly backward. This conveys deep thought. Then, when it’s time for you to deliver a message to the other party, reestablish eye contact and lean forward once again, displaying your concern and conviction.
When you first meet someone, a firm handshake is expected. But at the conclusion of the meeting take it one step further … or one hand further. When I’m saying good-bye to a male client I look him in the eye, shake his hand with my right hand, and put my left hand either on his forearm or his right shoulder. When I’m saying good-bye to a female client I also make eye contact, and shake her right hand, but in this instance I bow slightly from the waist and put my left hand on top of our two shaking right hands. This slight variation from the inirial greeting conveys gratitude and solidifies the new level of intimacy we’ve achieved.
Here is an example: Bill Schneider’s problem wasn’t solidifying intimacy, it was inspiring confidence: an unusual problem for someone six foot eight and over three hundred pounds. I had gotten to know Bill when he was a successful advertising space salesman for a weekly news magazine: he worked on some special small business sections. Bill had come up through the ranks and had spent the past fifteen years selling to the same group of customers. His clients had come up through the ranks along with him. They all knew and liked one another. In that kind of environment Bill’s soft-spoken, mild manner played very well. In fact, it contributed to his persona as a “gentle giant.” Unfortunately, this gentle giant was laid off” during a round of corporate downsizing,. After a year of being unable to find another job.
Bill’s experience and resume had won him many interviews over the past twelve months, but every one had resulted in a no. He wanted to learn how to turn those nos into at least one yes. I told him to arrive at my office for his appointment as if he were meeting me for a job interview. From the moment I went out to greet him his problem was obvious. Due to his height, Bill had a habit of slouching. And because of his sheer physical size he went out of his way to shake hands very gently. Once you knew him, these traits were endearing. At first, however, they were off-putting. His size accentuated the limpness of his handshake.
Couple that with his slouch and he seemed totally lacking in confidence: the last thing you’d want in a salesperson. I told Bill what I thought and encouraged him to use his size rather than be embarrassed by it, to physically dominate the room when he entered it. All we did for the rest of his appointment was block out his actions and movements for future interviews. Bill’s first interview after our meeting landed him a new position.
Tags: Body Language, Create Trust